Final Fantasy Wrestlemania!
by Quirky Rikku
Summary: CH 4: Turks Team Match up! Read as your favorite Final Fantasy characters lay the smack down. Based in the world of FFX, with many other FF chars!
1. Barret VS Kimahri

*Otherworld plays in the distant background of the arena*  
  
Biggs: "And, its time for..FFW!!! Thats right, Final Fantasy Wrestlemania! Watch as your favorite Final Fantasy chatacters lay the smack down, as well as imagine your favorite chicks mud wrestling eventually nude!"  
  
Wedge: "That actually sounds good, Biggs..Now, lets get the show on the road. The current contestants are: Tidus (X), Yuna (X), Rikku (X), Leblac (X-2), Paine (X-2), Cloud (VII), Tifa (VII), Barret (VII), Seifer (VIII), Sephiroth (VII), Lulu (X), Wakka (X), Auron (X), and that crazy-ass Ronso Kimahri (X)!"  
  
Biggs: "We've got an interesting game tonight, Wedge. Now I know some of you may wonder if they are actually going to 'wrestle'. The rules, for this game..Have changed. The contestants must use a specialty attack, within their physical attacks. If they get knocked out, Moe the Moogle here, will eliminate them from the game, thus they won't get to watch the chicks in the mud ring." Biggs laughed, followed by Wedges corny sports announcer laugh.  
  
Wedge: "Now, for round one, may I introduce.... Barret Wallace! That big black piece of ass will kick anyone's ass..haha I rhymed! (corny sports announcer laugh)"  
  
*Barret walks out of the locker room into the ring, letting his gatling gun shoot around the roof like a machine gun. He walks into the ring*  
  
Barret: "God damn, I feel like Mr. T. ! I pity da foo' who messes wit me!"   
  
Biggs: And, may I introduce you to Kimahri Ronso! This will be one interesting fight!"  
  
*Kimahri shakes his fists up in the air, roaring and growling. He takes his spear and twirls it around, like a baton. Then he throws it up in the air, and it lands inches from Barret's feet.*  
  
Barret: "Hey watch it you dumbass cat!" Barret shakes his one fist into the air, threatening Kimahri. Kimahri growls, and then the cute moogle in the striped shirt, whistle around his neck, gets between them and extends his stub arm on either side, shaking its head in discust.  
  
Moe the Moogle holds up a sign that reads: Ya'll know now, that I want a good, clean fight." He then tucks it under his side and blows his little whistle.  
  
ROUND 1: Barret VS Kimahri  
  
Kimahri roars and preforms his Ronso Rage, Jump.  
  
Wedge: "He's gonna feel that one in the morning!"  
  
Barret gets up and tackles Kimahri, unhurt, giving him a rough noogie and elbowing him in his chest. Kimahri groans and hits him with the handle of his spear, twirling it and then slashing Barret's back with the bladed side. Barret shoots at him with his gun-arm, but Kimahri leaps onto the sides of the ring. He then jumps onto Barret, his weight holding him down.  
  
Biggs: I think Kimahri's got him! Oh, hold on, Barret doesn't look finished yet!"  
  
Barret's gun-arm suddenly swings side to side, trying to get Kimahri in the face. All the while, Moe the Moogle, counting slowely, tapping the mat with his stub arm, losing count and starting over.  
  
He had just gotten to five when barret wacked Kimahri straight in the face. Kimahri shoots sideways, off of Barret. The Moogle gave him a potion, and blew his whistle right into Barret's ear. He held up a sign that magically had something written on it:  
  
"Kimahri is the winner. Barret is now disqualified." Kimahri puts a huge clawed foot on top of Barret's chest, shoving his spear right onto his manhood.  
  
Biggs: *winces* "I bet that hurt!"  
  
Wedge: "And now for a word from our Sponser, the Chocobo Farms of Spira."  
  
***********  
  
yeah. its a start..I want to put the rest of the matches in separate chapters, because I wana see if you people like my idea. Please Read and Rate. Sorry, No mudd wrestling yet. 


	2. Auron VS Sephiroth

"...Do you ever get tired of walking across the Calm lands all the time? Or crossing the Mi'hen Highroad on foot? Fear no more, for the Chocobo Farms has your answer. These cute big yellow birds are there for all of your crossing-places needs. They can also be used for other things, like powering boats and airships. Even kept as pets! Get your hands on one today! *fast voice* Only 20,000 gil to purchase, no refunds or exchanges."  
  
***********************************************  
  
(this next match is for you, HI00C!)  
  
Biggs: And, were back to, Final Fantasy Wrestlemania! *monster truck show echo* Be prepared, because this match involves two battle-vetrans with big-ass swords! No, we aren't talking about Cloud this time, we're talkin' about Sephiroth and Auron.  
  
Wedge: Yeah..I wonder whats with Square on making people with big ass swords?  
  
*Moe the moogle shruggs, waddling around on its short legs, whistle in mouth*  
  
Biggs: So anyway, let the match begin! *they both laugh all corny-like*  
  
ROUND 2: Auron VS Sephiroth  
  
Auron, flipping off his red tunic and grabbing his Katana, takes a drink from his big-ass jug at his side. He grunts and flexes his sexy muscles. Then, he steps into the ring, holding his sword over his shoulder. The crowd cheers, fangirls scream, and then everything goes quiet, something is missing.  
  
Silence.  
  
Biggs: *breaks silence* Sephiroth so far is no where to be found...   
  
Wedge: Uh...Commercial break??  
  
But hes too late. Sephiroth flies down from the ceiling, holding the handle of his sword firmly, blade facing downwards.....  
  
Poor Moe.  
  
A replacement Moogle, named Joe, appears outside of the ring, looking very similar to Moe.  
  
Auron stares at his new opponent. He mercilessly just killed a moogle...A MOOGLE! oh the agony!!!!! *ahem*... "And so, it begins." Auron tells the white haired man.  
  
"And so it ends." Sephiroh glares back, at the younger, better looking guy, holding up his long, lightweight sword.  
  
Joe the moogle, after handing Lulu Moe to sew him up, wads up between them, swinging his stubs, simulating finger counting. Then, he holds up another sign: "Dammit! I hate you, Sephiroth, you ripped my brother! gah! Lulu is gona make ME clean up that cotton!" He then brings it down, and waves his stubs infront of it again..He holds it infront of Auron. It reads: "Kill his moogle-murdering ass." Auron chuckles and nods. Joe then blows the whistle, and the match actually starts.  
  
Auron swings his Katana around, letting go and watching it fly and hitting Sephiroth's skull, knocking him down. Auron then starts choking him, and then lets him go. Sephiroth uses his super Jenova powers, and lifts Auron up, and throws him into the audience, into a row of fangirls. He groans and they all scream and kiss him everywhere. There seems to be no way out of this.  
  
Biggs: *laughs hysterically* Hahaha, it looks like Auron got washed up.  
  
Wedge: How any sexy anime character with a sword can survive rabid fangirls is beyond me.  
  
Sephiroth then stretches, and brings Auron back into the ring by using his hellaciously cool teleportation skills.  
  
Auron then randomly tackles Sephiroth, bending his leg backwards, making Sephiroth scream like the little girl he really is. "This is for Aerith, the last of the Cetra!" Auron beamed and broke poor Sephy's leg. He chuckled and held Sephiroth's back down with his elbow, which Joe got beside them, tapping the mat with his stubs, trying to remember what number comes after 4...  
  
"Auron is the winner" The sign now reads. Auron gets up, stepping on the mangled body of Sephiroth, and he grabs Joe's stubb, lifting the moogle in the air, and listening to the random fangirl's pleas to make sweet love to him after the show. Ahhh, the life.  
  
Biggs: I wasn't expecting that.......  
  
Wedge: ........And now for something COMPLETELY different. A word from another sponser, Shin-Ra inc. 


	3. Aeris VS Yuna

Prez Rufus: You may wonder, why in the bloody hell are we doing a commercial for materia?  
  
*you see pictures of mako plants and then materia forming in natural places*  
  
Prez Rufus: Its because here, at Shin-Ra inc., we want to suck all of your energy. Making materia isnt the only thing..we just want to destroy the world! hahaha. When we get our hands on the huge materia, you will all die!! *cackles evily*   
  
*Rufus's face grows pale* "..........is that thing on?......The camera is on isnt it?" *the man behind it nods* "dammit!!!! I told you I was just goofing off, you moron!"   
  
*Rufus gets up, and then you see his white trench coat infront of the camera, and then you hear him punching the camera dude. The camera then falls to the ground, you see Rufus's chair and desk whooshing sideways as it does. Then, You see those white static flakes on the screen.*  
  
**********************************************************  
  
Biggs: Eh, I hate live commercials. *sighs*  
  
Wedge: ...........Anyway, we are proud to announce this next match. We are going to use some chicks this time.  
  
Biggs: Thats right, Wedge. But, the rules are different for the chicks. For one...The ring will be covered in *dun dun dun!* MUD!  
  
*Tons of mud are dumped into the arena ring, dudes whistling and cheering, waiting to see it.*  
  
Wedge: AND, The chicks are...*du du du du dun!!!!!* IN BIKINIS! The rule is to try to get the bikinis off. First who does is the winner. The loser is horable degraded by men whistling at them, wanting them to come to their house and make sweet sweet love to them after the show. Come to think of it....--  
  
Biggs: That's enough, Wedge. *he scowls, and Wedge giggles*  
  
Wedge: So anyway, may I present, High Summoner Yuna! *monster truck commercial echo*  
  
"Yuna steps into the mud, wearing a light blue bikini top, with Tidus's emblem between the cleavage. Her bikini panties are light blue faded to white, and they have a half-skirt going down the left side, similar to her Gunner dressphere. She had many bracelets and anklets, and she has a necklace that is similar to Tidus's.*  
  
Wedge: Woah, she looks hot tonight, eh? Biggs?  
  
*Biggs is too busy attempting to teach Joe the moogle a game of Peeknuckle, which is impossible.*  
  
Wedge: Fine. Looks like ol' Sephy, in return for letting him compete, has gotten Aerith out of her water grave, and revived her. She too, will be competing tonight. Her first match will be with sexy Yuna, there. Come out, young Cetra!  
  
*Aerith steps into the mess of mud and poses, letting everyone see that it is in fact, her. She is wearing a soft pink bikini and is wearing her usual black yarn choker. She also has on her bracelets.*  
  
Biggs: *in background* okay... 1, 2, 3..P- knuck-kle. use your stubb! But you don't have a thumb! grr...  
  
Wedge: I believe that Biggs has finally gone insane. Joe! Get your stuffed ass out there and be the damn ref.!  
  
*the cute moogle, startled, races into the mud, blowing his whistle quickly. He was determined to beat Biggs. he runs back into the announcer booth, continuing his lessons.*  
  
ROUND 3: Yuna VS Aerith  
  
Yuna runs toward Aerith, flinging mud everywhere with each step* Aerith reaches her arms out, similar to a hug, and grabs her, pulling on her bra strap. Yuna does the same, suddenly flinging Aerith down into the muddy abyss, getting on top of her and pulling the front of her top.  
  
Wedge: *Turned on* This show gets better every year!  
  
*The two chicks roll around, trying to get at each others bra strap. Aerith gets a hold of Yuna's strap, and pulls hard...*  
  
*all the men in the audience become wide eyed, drool filled their rows*  
  
*Nothing happened. Yuna's strap was done-on good. Either that, or krazy-glued.*  
  
Wedge: *entranced* Huh? oh..my turn to talk..oh yeah.. *grabs mic* *bumps it around* eek..sorry folks, anyway, it looks like Aerith aint gona get that strap off............OOOOHH! That had to hurt!  
  
*Yuna had leaped upwards, kicking Aerith right in the jaw with her foot. *  
  
Biggs: *still mindlessly playing peeknuckle*  
  
*Aerith rolls around in the mud, holding her jaw. It hurt soo bad!*  
  
"Take this you skank!" Aerith screeches, and tackles Yuna. *in seductive position* *all the guys are staring, drooling.*  
  
"Bitch!" Yuna screams, as they enguage in a wallowing cat fight.*  
  
Wedge wipes drool from his mouth* "..Oh, uhm..Right...Yuna looks like shes about to get that strap off!"  
  
*Yuna gets on top of Aeris's back, fiddling with her strap..."  
  
*Guys stare, wide eyed, they grab the pillow provided for them infront of their seat*  
  
Biggs: No no Joe..Like THIS!  
  
Wedge: Eureka! She has done it! She has become a raging bitch! *chuckles*  
  
*Yuna had suceeded in pulling off Aeris's bikini top*  
  
Aeris pushes Yuna off of her and covers her chest. She had not lost, but she was pissed.  
  
Aeris growls and punches Yuna in the stomach, then tackling her and lying on her stomach*  
  
*guys drool and shove the pillows on their crotches. the ones in the front get to see Aeris cleavage, which is covered in mud, while behind her they get to see some Aeris ass, which is also covered in mud. Ahh, the life.*  
  
*Aerith pulls on the front of Yuna's bra, dripping mud all over her chest and neck.*  
  
*Biggs and Joe are still busy with their mindless games...When suddenly..*  
  
*Haha! Bitch! I got your bra!* *Oh my Yevon! Joe! You beat me!*  
  
*The guys start to clap, happy that they get to see both chicks luscious boobies.  
  
*Aerith then shoves Yuna off of her, and falls boob first into the mud, so maybe no one will see them.*  
  
Kimahri: Kimahri want to see Yuna titties  
  
Barret: AERIS! Show me 'dem boobies!!! &%$#!!! @!$%&*!!!!  
  
Biggs: *Gets up* *Pats Joe the Moogle on the head* Good job. *Suddenly looks out of the booth and sees two chicks covered in so much mud its hard to tell who they are* .......Wedge...? What did I miss???  
  
Wedge: Oh, nothing....Nothing at all...  
  
Biggs: *shruggs* *continues watching the cat fight*  
  
*Both chicks stop* Yuna: Oh! whats gotten into me? Im sorry, im so sorry! *pannicks* Aeris: *pissed* I kow you arent sorry, but lets call it a truce, i dont feel like getting covered in white goo as well as this mud. *giggles*  
  
*guys start booing* MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE!!!!!  
  
Biggs: Uh....Lets go to a commercial break, shall we?   
  
Wedge: *wipes drool* oh, right...okay its a TIE!! *monster truck commercial echo*  
  
Biggs: ---Holds up blank piece of papper, writing: *commercial time!!* *puts it infront of camera*  
  
Wedge: Were gona try elimination matches next time. Anywho..*silent*  
  
-------Right..bad ending...i kinda got bored with this match..next one wont suck so bad, promise. you know..straight girls dont write about chicks mud wrestling, do they? heh... i did cuz my freind begged me too...lol 


	4. Turks Team Match

Sorry for the lack of updates. anyway, this one is gona be hard to write because its an team match. Have fun reading :) i might have gotten the personalities of the Turks messed up (most noticibly Tseng and Rude..)  
  
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, ADAM?! STOP SPAMMING MY REVIEW BOARD!!!  
  
note: Kopukku is pronounced kO-pooku, but you can pronounce it any way you want i guess ;)  
  
Moogle: Kupo! Kupo!  
  
Woman #1: That's right, Kopukku! You can buy these awsome Gyshal Greens from any Chocobo feeding store! ::She holds them up to the camera and smiles absent-mindedly::  
  
Kopukku: ::An anime-style question mark appears over his forehead:: Kupo?.......  
  
Woman #2:::pets some Zio nuts in her hands:: Yes, you are SOO right! You can get these from any goblins on Goblin Island. They are used to help you get a GOLDEN CHOCOBO!!  
  
Kopukku: ::scratches head and looks away::  
  
Woman #1: Kopukku! You are SOO smart for a moogle!!! ::pets him::  
  
Kopukku: ::Anime-style mushroom looking thing appears under mouth:: Ku...po.....::sighs::  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Wedge: Whoa, a commercial with moogles and blonde chicks!   
  
Biggs: I wonder why Joe didn't make the part?  
  
Wedge: Because you play peeknuckle with him ::thumps Biggs::  
  
Biggs: :chuckles::  
  
Wedge: Anyway folks, today we will see some awsome elimination matches!  
  
Biggs: Todays contestants might be a bit of a shock...  
  
Wedge: How so? ::Fake news-announcer question like on Fox and Freinds::  
  
Biggs: Cuz we got the Maesters of Yevon competing tonight..  
  
Wedge: ::Big-eyed:: But they're....they're...  
  
Biggs: -- don't ask. Anyway, we also have the young and ALIVE Turks competing against them.  
  
Wedge: ........How does this work out?!  
  
Biggs: We'll see Wedge, we'll see...  
  
Wedge: Okie dokie then, let me introduce our contestants!  
  
Wedge: Maester Seymour, come on down! price is right theme plays  
  
Seymour: squeals im on the price is right! im on the price is right!  
  
Biggs: through microphone sorry Seymour..this isnt the price is right..  
  
Seymour: It ISNT?! We four Maesters must be in the wrong place then..walks out of the ring  
  
Wedge: eh??? Who will replace them then?!  
  
Joe the Moogle: holds up a sign that reads: Why don't you let the Turks fight in a team match?  
  
Wedge: Will do, Joe, will do.  
  
Biggs: So let us now introduce the Turks. Tseng? Elena? Reeve? Rude? Reno? Get your asses out here!  
  
Elena: I will not be spoken to that way.  
  
Rude: ..............  
  
Reno: Dude, shut up, were commin!  
  
Reeve: I'm not with the turks anymore, so I forfeit. ::nods::  
  
Tseng: Where the hell are those master things?!  
  
The Turks step into the ring, getting some caked mud on their shoes from where it had dried after it had been cleaned from the previous match.  
  
Elena: Why do I have to fight? ::stands like Leblanc does::  
  
Reno: because you are a turk and this is what turks do. Get used to it, woman!  
  
Tseng: Thats MY line!  
  
Rude: .............  
  
Wedge: SHUT UP AND GET ON WITH IT!! sighs  
  
ROUND 4: TURKS TEAM MATCH  
  
Biggs: sighs Now you guys have to pick teams. two teams, two on each.  
  
Reno and Tseng at the same time: I call Elena!  
  
Elena: No, I pick Rude. He never talks.  
  
Rude: ...................  
  
Elena: ::Smirks::  
  
Tseng and Reno in unison: aww, man.. Why do I have to be with HIM? ::they point at each other::  
  
Barret: ::In background:: Quit yo' bitchin'!  
  
Biggs: Are you going to fight or what???  
  
Reno: Fight? eh? this wasn't in my planner! ELENA! YOU TOLD ME YOU'D WRITE IT DOWN!!  
  
Elena: I did, you moron! ::points to the hellaciously small line of print::  
  
Reno: ::elbows her:: haha, fooled you! LETS GET THIS BATTLE ON!  
  
Joe: ::Blows the whistle and waves his stubs:: Kupo Kupo! (Cara (FFV) translates: Now lets have a good, clean fight!) Joe nods his cute little head.  
  
Rude puts up his fists, Reno grabs his whacking Trine stick, Elena gets her gun and Tseng grabs his whip.  
  
Reno begins by casting Trine on Rude and Elena and Tseng follows behind, tapping Elena's butt with his whip. Rude breaks free of the trine and smacks Tseng in the jaw. Tseng cracks his whip and chases Rude around the arena.  
  
Rude slips in some mudd and finds a blue bikini top. He picks it up and flips it around. Tseng flings his whip at him but Rude blocks it with the bra. Meanwhile, Reno and Elena are at it again. Elena is on top if him, scratching his neck and smacking his face. You can almost hear the rasping sound of an angry cat comming from her. Reno manages to push her off of him and he pokes her chest a few times with his Trine stick. Elena blushes and runs after him, grabbing her sandle and runs with it in her hand, trying to hit him with it.  
  
Biggs: This isnt wrestling, Wedge..  
  
Wedge: It's good enough, ya?...ooops, been hanging around Besaid too much.  
  
Tseng had hit Rude with his whip a few times, and Rude had managed to hit him with his knuckles, so between them it was pretty much a fair fight. Rude finally gave up and sat in one corner of the ring, leaving Tseng AND Reno to Elena  
  
Elena had casted Bio and Doom, so it wouldnt be too hard to make them K.O.  
  
5....  
  
Elena smacked them both with her shoe and ran away from them..  
  
4....  
  
Reno stole her shoe and proceeded to hit her with it, after he would cast Trine...  
  
Damn, out of MP...  
  
3....  
  
Tseng had already given up, and he and Rude were chattering about chocobos (Rude loves chocobos..)  
  
2.....  
  
Reno and Elena stopped and confessed their love for each other. Elena tried to dispell him but it didn't work. the poison had made him too weak.  
  
1.....  
  
0...  
  
Tsneng had passed out already, and Reno had just as well.  
  
Elena: ::the end of romeo and juliet:: No..i shall kill theeself... ::casts death on herself::  
  
Biggs: .................................  
  
Wedge: ........this has to be one of the worst matches I've ever seen. But guess who gets to clean up the bodies? ::He smiles at Joe the moogle::  
  
Joe: kupo! anime angry cross vein appears over his forehead  
  
Okay..this chappie sucked. bad. sowwie about that :) 


End file.
